Making one positive change for a better life

My most recent positive change that I’ve made in my life was to quit my job. I didn’t have another job lined up, so it was a risk. Everyone can’t make this move, but I was prepared and had saved for this moment.

adding in some self-reflection

I used to have an alarm for every 6 months that would ask me, “how are you feeling about your job?” I’d set up the reminder a year into joining my company once the rose colored glasses had been knocked off my face. I was trying my best to stay engaged with the work and protect myself, so I needed this alarm. At that time frustration was an everyday occurrence. Not having a say in decisions that were being made that affected me, and not the decision makers. So yeah, I made that calendar note to ask myself how I was feeling about the job. It helped me reflect on whether I thought I should stay. Over the years, it helped me decide if I should ask for a promotion, more money, or just chill and take a step back ‘cause I was too invested.

planning for positive change in my life

For the most part the question led me to better days, until it didn’t. Until I found the question grating and knew that I needed to do something about it because I wasn’t happy anymore. I was tired, burnt out and felt like I had too much responsibility (I’d asked for this and now I don’t want it?!) So the question led me to a plan to get out, save money more aggressively, figure out how much I would need to take a work break for a year, figure out the slower times at work when it wouldn’t be as horrible for me to up and quit.

I worked out all of the timing, in case you haven’t noticed I am an extreme planner and a people pleaser (BetterHelp to the rescue).

And then I didn’t do it. I chickened out. Things weren’t great but I could still handle my work and excel, though I couldn’t get any energy to do anything else in my life. Then I got promoted. 6 months went by, I’m at the level I want, I don’t want to go any higher than this. This is manageable, this is sustainable, this I can do….even if there is that niggling sensation in the back of my head saying, but hadn’t you planned to quit!

somehow things get worse before they get better

Through extremely bad timing other people start leaving and I start getting buried in work. I threaten to quit I need help, I’m drowning.

I get promoted again…now I’m in a position I never wanted, what’s wrong with me?! Why didn’t I say no? And the work’s still there…I’m still drowning, but now I’ve got a team to keep afloat not just myself. The question appears from my Google calendar and I start planning my departure once again. This time it’s happening. I flaked once, I won’t do it again!

this time i will change my situation

6 months passes and I resign, it was emotional. I don’t like to surrender, which was what it felt like. But with hindsight I see I was choosing myself, choosing a well-rested, peaceful, nourished, hydrated, calm and creative self. I was in a creative field and it felt like it was draining the marrow from my bones. I could never replenish before another project or deadline came along. Without my job I had nothing, I’d done nothing but pour myself into the lists and deadlines. It had to stop.

I’m so glad to have quit the job, even though I didn’t have another job lined up. It has given me time to learn about myself, find new hobbies, create business ideas, take naps, explore my neighborhood, daydream and savor.